Overcoming Your Relationship Insecurities
By TJ Bartel, July 10, 2019
No matter how confident an individual may be, the concept of self-confidence can fly right out the window when it comes to relationships. Even when your partner has chosen to be with you and expresses their love for you, it may be impossible to shake that feeling of doubt and insecurity. This insecurity can manifest in many different ways, the most common being second-guessing, a feeling of uselessness or being “not enough,” or a constant fear of your partner leaving you. Many people worry that their flaws will be fully put on display for all to see, resulting in nothing but judgment. While this is normal and fairly common, it’s no way to live, both personally and intimately with another. Here are a few ways you can overcome these insecurities. Stop Blaming Yourself Your insecurities are not your fault. These are accumulated over time and from certain experiences. These can stem from unhealthy relationships from your past, family troubles, and much, much more. It’s hard to pinpoint just one reason, but you are not solely to blame for these negative feelings. Instead, focus only on something you can control, that being yourself. Stop blaming and insulting yourself for these feelings. You are only human. Question Your Insecurities Rather than beating yourself up, look at your insecurities through a lense of curiosity. Why do you think you are harboring these feelings? Can you direct them back to a past experience with an ex or troubling moment during your childhood? This can help you determine if these insecurities are warranted or if they are based purely on fear. Talk to Your Partner Keeping these feelings inside and not communicating them with your partner is a surefire way to guarantee that these feelings do not improve. Tell them how you are feeling and ask them to do the same if they are ever experiencing similar thoughts. Open communication not only allows you to voice your thoughts and concerns, but it also builds a strong foundation for a trusting relationship. Love Yourself It’s a common saying that has been around for a very long time, and one that is often paraphrased: “You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.” While this is easier said than done, it can help to start small. Think about your own positive characteristics and what you like about yourself no matter how small those characteristics are. Celebrate your talents and what you bring to the table, and never compare yourself to others. This can help silence the doubtful thoughts in the back of your head.