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吳景濱
慣性劈腿-長不大的花心男
慣性劈腿-長不大的花心男
慣性劈腿-長不大的花心男
By
吳景濱
諮商心理師
・
Taipei City, Taiwan
Connect
【慣性劈腿-長不大的花心男】 「我劈腿了。」他邊叼著菸邊說。 身為他的好友,似乎不是第一次聽到這句話了。我和他坐在學校附近的便利商店外面,這是我們常聚的地方,他言談間透露出無奈,但又讓人感到一切似乎發生的理所當然。 他是我高中同班同學,很意外地,我們考上同一大學、同一個科系。他長得一副牲畜無害,硬要說的話,勉強算個中上普男吧,頂級天菜他連邊都沾不上。但不知道為什麼,他身邊總有數不清的曖昧對象。 至於說到他的風流史,那可精彩了。他其實有一個國中交往至今的女朋友;從我知道的高中開始,我和他一起進了熱音社,他馬上就跟同社團的學姊搞上了,每天在社團時間上演你儂我儂的戲碼,最後被他女友知道,他與學姊的地下戀情才告吹。然而,當我們升到二年級,他又和學妹開展另一段故事了……就這樣,同樣的戲碼上演了好幾次,一直到了大學,他還是一樣沒什麼變。而他和女友因為這樣大吵過好幾次,但他女友總是選擇原諒。 而他這次感情似乎真的快破局了,聽他說的樣子,他女友已經打定主意要分開,或許我心裡有為他女友感到高興吧。 後來他接著說:「這也不是我願意的,但我一眼就知道,這學妹和我是天生一對。」他面露感傷,卻流露出一絲驕傲的感覺。 【無法抗拒的外遇】 外遇似乎個美麗的意外,但它從來不是那麼的「意外」。外遇帶來了刺激、興奮、浪漫,滿足了愛情華麗的裝扮,而它只是愛情裡的空洞假象。當女友不再那麼聽話,無法滿足他的需求時,他便開始向外尋求,那華麗但貧乏的愛情。 「我知道我對不起她,但我已經帶著誠意向她道歉了,怎麼還不能諒解我呢?」他和女友之間早已沒了溫度,即使有女友無數的原諒,他們的愛情仍像是他剛丟進水溝蓋內燒盡的菸蒂。 「诶,就算妳女友原諒了。但你不改,以後還是會發生一樣的事情啊。」我也將菸抽完了。 「若有下次…唉,再說吧。」他倉促的結束這個話題。 【外遇源於自戀】 其實他的外遇、劈腿、花心,來自於他的「自戀」-他渴求愛,但只是「愛自己」。他不斷地尋找新的關係,卻沒能與他人維持穩定的關係,而他一直用自我中心的想法在保護自己、溺愛自己。而自戀的人,總是會把自己和自己的需求過度美化,就像他"天生一對"自以為是的浪漫。 他貪戀愛情裡的「浪漫」,忽略在愛中其他重要的東西。當女友不如熱戀期時時投以溫柔目光,不再完美且浪漫的回應。他便開始陷入孤獨,看不見自己被愛的樣子,也感受不到自己的存在。而外遇,那過度美化的愛,剛好可以滿足他的孤獨,更陷入無法自拔的快感。 但持續索求外在的滿足,終究會讓自己落空。對愛,須要學會成熟,要懂得接受美麗衣裳下的不完美;愛情沒有致始至終的甜,再火熱的戀愛,終會有降溫的時候。 成熟,是能領悟愛情中除「甜」以外的滋味。若是如此,那過多的糖便是多餘的了。 文:吳景濱 諮商心理師 此篇文章刊載於臺灣科技大學諮商中心粉絲專頁:https://www.facebook.com/NTUSTgenderequality/posts/388330104993032
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吳景濱
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Published: Mar 4th 2020
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