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吳景濱
你焦慮、憂鬱嗎?可能這來自你重要他人的情緒勒索
你焦慮、憂鬱嗎?可能這來自你重要他人的情緒勒索
你焦慮、憂鬱嗎?可能這來自你重要他人的情緒勒索
By
吳景濱
諮商心理師
・
Taipei City, Taiwan
Connect
你焦慮、憂鬱嗎?可能這來自你重要他人的情緒勒索 一位愁眉苦臉的年輕女子,她叫小玲,進來了我的會談室。 小玲:「吳心理師怎麼辦,有什麼辦法,能趕快改善情緒化呢?」 我沒有對改善情緒提出直接的建議,而是試著先瞭解事發的狀況。 我:「是發生了什麼事,讓妳想那麼急切地改善情緒呢?」 小玲:「因為這一直都是我的問題,因為我的情緒化,男朋友已經很受不了我,要和我分手,但是我真的沒辦法改善我的情緒,我也很無力。」 我再接著問:「妳可以具體一點的告訴我,是發生了什麼嗎?」 小玲:「其實是男友常常會有意無意地批評我的身材、收入、學歷,通常我會忍下來,但累積久了.我就會不知道在什麼時候大爆發,對男友大叫;但每次爆發後我都會和男友道歉,但男友覺得我情緒管理不好,影響他的心情。我真的不知道怎麼辦,吳心理師有什麼管理情緒的辦法嗎?」 我再跟小玲細部討論後,才知道小玲從小常遭受到家人的責罵,常常獲得不到家人的肯定,造就了她自卑的性格。因而時常擔心在他人眼中是不是沒有價值,而受到委屈時,總是往肚子裏吞。 後來我才知道,小玲的男友已失業許久,現在的生活開銷都是由小玲負擔。但她仍覺得自己做得不夠多、不夠好。 其實,這是男友將找不到工作的焦慮,化為對小玲的貶低與攻擊,以情緒勒索的方式,來減少自己的恐懼,並要求小玲為自己的情緒負責。 小玲她完完全全落入了男友的情緒勒索遊戲中,因為過去的成長經歷,造就了習慣自我懷疑、過度在乎他人感受、極度需要獲得他人肯定...的特質,而忽略了自己的需求與感受,並陷入了自我貶低的循環。 那要如何擺脫情緒勒索呢? 唯有「提升自我價值感」,才是擺脫情緒勒索的最佳方法。 你可以透過自我對話、抒寫: 「寫下自己成功完成事情、做得好、有進步、開心的事。」 「告訴自己已經做得夠多了、我已經夠好了。」 「我已經很好了,我不需要向他人證明什麼。」 「我不需要這樣挑剔自己,我也能做得很好。」 「就算我什麼都不做,我仍然是有價值的。」 「我可以定義我自己。」 練習為自己鼓舞、肯定,是擺脫情緒勒索的最重要一步! 當你漸漸有了自信,便會願意更重視自己的感受,需求,亦會漸漸地為自己發聲,嘗試拒絕不合理的批評與要求。 這些漸漸生成的「勇氣」,將促使你改變現狀;拉出情緒的「界線」,將擺脫令你憂鬱、焦慮的情緒勒索。 👉文:吳景濱諮商心理師 👉圖:Pexels 👉粉絲專頁:https://www.facebook.com/WuJingBin/ 本刊文章歡迎轉載,但請註明出處
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吳景濱
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Published: Sep 17th 2020
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